mafiadotorgfandomcom-20200213-history
Mafia Gazette Past Issue 111
The Mafia Gazette Issue 111 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Thursday 23rd November 'ASDA vs CONCEPTS: TIME FOR A CHANGE? ' By Randle McMurphy The violence that has occurred between these two factions is epic, and lets make no bones, I highly doubt that they’re going to be best buddies any time soon, but many members of the public are calling for an end to the hostilities, as it is now thought to be halting the development of our nation. Speaking both on the streets and down OOC Avenue recently, many influential people have questioned the need for the constant hatred from both sides, with both ASDA and Conceptualist spokespeople both stumped when asked the question: How did it all start? With no-one actually able to remember the beginning of the conflict, or the reasons for it, it magnifies the question of why the feud should continue, with both sides now fighting just because that is all they remember doing. However the question remains, with a history of shaky ceasefires, and subsequent betrayals and breaches on both sides, can there ever be a peace between the two families? Well, I asked that question to representatives from both sides, and the answers were surprisingly similar. When first asked to comment on the ongoing situation, both sides agreed that the epic violence between them needed to end, but also added that this will be incredibly difficult due to intense grudges on both sides of the war. Cannibal quoted, “It's been going on too long now, and with the World in the position it is now it seems futile to carry on acting like this when it's an obvious need of rebuilding. But, old grudges die hard…” Whilst Clamps responded, “It is a continual cycle, neither really trusts the other, and I'm sure both will continue to attempt to secure power, as we are the two biggest families around in some respects.” When questioned about the possibilities of just confining themselves to their own cities, the answers were once again remarkably similar. Both sides quoted that it would be an ideal situation, and had been attempted in the past, but that mistrust and old grudges once again ruined it for everyone. Seemingly, both sides are willing to consider ceasefires, and realise the futility of their situation, along with the benefit of non-hostility, though it appears neither are quite ready to trust the other in sticking to their side of the bargain. Both parties are still pondering the last question I put to them: “Would you consider just scrapping your family name, and starting a fresh, for the good of the community?”, I’m sure you’ll get the answer to that in the next edition, but for now, I’ll leave you with this article to ponder, and a message to both sides – think of what you’re doing to the community, and to yourselves, is this how you want to be remembered? 'KIDNAP KILLER STILL AT LARGE ' By Zinglebert Humptyback A wave of kidnappings and subsequent murders has struck the nation, in a shock crimewave that has left the public reeling. Authorities are still stumped as to the identity of the murderer, as few clues have been left at crime scenes. Police have warned citizens to be especially cautious since the death of Witcheh, who was kidnapped, cleaned out, and then executed. A number of suspects have been fingered by anonymous informants, by far the most popular choice being Conceptualist Made Man Giuseppe Siracusa, especially considering his open admission of the murder of Witcheh. Police refuse to comment, as it is still an ongoing case, and as yet no comment has been received from the Made himself. Be vigilant people, you don’t want to end up in the gutter. 'TMS: THE RETURN? ' By: Tommehkins, edited by Mr_k There once was a time that parents told their children to behave or The Midnight Society would get them. In those days, this would have worked. Today as TMS is re-emerging into the streets, they are hoping to change this. They don't want to continue with the tarnished reputation that they once had. When TMS was started it had 3 different factions, all ran by different men. There was ChooseYourDeath, better known as Wrenchy. Then there was Shit-Zu_Powow, better know as RabbitTehViking. Then the last was Tarby, who needs no alias. TMS never had the best reputation, but today it is back with hopes of rebuilding that, and making themselves an asset to this community. My family has always been loyal to The Midnight Society, and I for one hope that the community will turn a bind eye to the past and just look at the now. The Current leader of TMS is hoping to lead his family into a prosperous future, and live up to those very high standards set by the great founders of this family. Stay tuned, Next Issue I’ll have an exclusive interview with the new leader himself, I had a chance to sit down and speak with him, and I’ll give you all the details, next time. 'HAVE YOUR SAY ' By John Milton We here at the Gazette are all for freedom of speech, it gives us something to mull over, and can make for some interesting topics. So, with that in mind, we would like to introduce a new section to The Gazette, Have Your Say. This is where you, the reader, can write in about anything on your mind, without the worry of having to come up with an entire article for it. Sometimes we will choose a topic, if none are offered, other times we will just print the letters as we receive them. So, here’s one to start you off: Commissions. Can they work? Should we bother? What is YOUR view? 'DEAR MILTON ' By John Milton Oftentimes people come to me for help and advice, being one of the communities older members, some people feel they can confide in me, and let me help them to solve their problems. So I decided to open that service up to all. Have a problem? Need some advice? Just want to talk? Dear Milton is here for you. Just mail me your questions/conundrums and I will endeavour to answer each and every query. Here are just a few I have received this week. “Dear Milton, I have this rash, I don’t know what to do! I’m married, see, and my wife wouldn’t take too kindly to the fact I’ve been sleeping around. I don’t know what to do, should I come clean? Yours, Anonymous” Dear Anonymous, You are in a pickle, aren’t you? But for God’s sake man, don’t tell your wife. In fact, fly off the handle at her and tell her she’s given it to you, and ask her who she’s been sleeping with. I’d say there’s a 90% chance she’s been sleeping around herself, mostly because I was a little drunk at that party and I’m not 100% certain on the face… “Dear Milton, I can’t stop eating cakes. It’s an obsession! In the morning, all I think about is cake. When I go to bed, I dream of cake. I even have a candle shaped like a cake! What am I to do? This will surely consume my life one day… Yours, M. Penny” Dear M. Penny, Cake is a wonderful thing. It makes us happy when we are sad. It makes us full when we are hungry. It gives us fantastic sugar rushes. Cake is good. You can never have too many cakes. In fact, eat more cake, you deserve it. “Dear Milton, Can I have your autograph? Preferably on a signed picture. I’m a big fan. Yours, T1fa” Dear T1fa, Unfortunately I’m out of signed pictures, though I will pop you on the waiting list for when my next batch come off the presses. It’s always good to hear from a fan. “Dear Milton, I keep getting these offers from down a dark alley from a guy calling himself the “Ammo Man”, I don’t know, it seems mighty tempting, but my spider sense is tingling. What should I do? Yours, Tewt McD” Dear Tewt, You are dead. I guess you took the offer, personally I’d have advised against it, and I’d have been right. Go figure. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' By John Milton The Gazette Needs YOU! The Mafia Gazette is nothing without its readers, but even more so, the writers. We need permanent writers to come and work for us, in order for us to be able to keep this paper going on a regular basis. You want good news? Then help make it! Apply to John Milton, preferably with a sample article.